Monday, April 27, 2009

Is Anybody Listening?

People who know me, or should I say know me enough to have been around me when I'm "slightly intoxicated," know that I tend to say "Listen" alot. And "seriously" ALOT. Those same people also know that I tend to be a little loud under those same conditions. It stems from my constant need to want to be heard. Like I feel like no one really ever listens or understands what I am trying to say. That may or may not be true, but who knows.
But the thing that is crazy, at least to me, is that I am so scared to write and truly say what is on my mind for fear that someone may actually read it. Like I want someone to listen but I am scared to be heard. What is that about? I think I have a fairly interesting story to tell. But I can't stop self-censoring long enough to tell it.
Maybe with practice the words will flow. I need to embody the swirls that I love so much. Just allow my thoughts to twist and turn which ever way they choose. You can't force a swirl. It won't come out right. You have to just let it BE. SimplyBE. I'm trying...still trying....

Friday, April 10, 2009

Test blog from my phone

This is only a test.

Sent from my iPhone

Take 2

Ok. One thing that will quickly become apparent is that I am not very good with following through. Following through with just about anything. You should see my journals. I always want to write. I always need to write. I just don't always write. There are usually huge gaping gaps in the dates. Heck sometimes as long as years. But I always have good intentions.

So here I go again. Trying this here writing thing. I have so many things in my head that I think I would like to write about. But I don't know how to make them interesting enough for others to want to read. I don't even know if I want others to read them. Some of the things that I want to say, want to write about, I don't think I could if I knew someone else could read it. But for others I feel like I need someone to hear, someone to talk to. Yeah I know I'm a weirdo. I'm toying around with the idea of actually doing like 2 blogs. One for the light hearted day to day stuff like tv and crochet and the kid etc. And then another one to delve into that other realm in my mind. BUT dude, I cant' even format and keep up this one here! lol!

Oy vey. I wish I was as creative and witty and interesting as that ideal person who lives in my head. She would know just what to say and how to say it. She would just let the words flow regardless of who heard. She wants to tell her story. I just stiffle the tale. Need to find a way to let the words just flow.